Hogwarts School of Song and Dance?
by Danbamina
Summary: Something odd has happened to the entire school!Everyone's bursting into song at random times!This is gonna get intrestin real fast. read to find out what happens to the trio and more! RWLL HPHG
1. Saturday

_**Hey everybody!!! Well, Danbamina and I decided that we had such a good response to our love potion story, that it was time to write a song one! Hope you all love this first chappie! This is NOT going to be a one-shot! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW:D Scroll down for disclaimer! ;)**_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB!**_

**A Word From Danbamina: hey YALL! Well, since everyone loved our last funny story so much! We decided to write another one! There should be like more than 4 chapters to this story, its hard to write this cause of the whole, 'we don't live in the same house' thing…soooo we have to do our planning VIA emails and stuff, not easy to do at all, let me tell ya! Well R&R and most importantly ENJOY IT! No flames please!**

The day started out like any other. All of the students at the school were in the Great Hall, eating breakfast, and talking about the Sadie Hawkin's Dance coming up in a six days. For some odd reason only known to him, Professor Dumbledore had decided that the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry needed to try some American customs. This is how the Sadie Hawkin's Dance had come to be scheduled for all years 5 and up.

The weird thing about this Dance was that instead of the traditional guys nervously ask the girls custom, girls had to ask the GUYS! The dress code was casual/semi-formal, and many of the girls would giggle nervously whenever

Anyway, it was breakfast time on Saturday, September 12th, a day like any other that had occurred at the beginning of the school year. Unfortunately for all that were a part of the Wizarding World, an un-nameable (at the present time) force had cast a spell that would make everyone do… strange things. The spell would last a week. One chaotic week to change everyone's lives forever.

Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley, better known as Ron or Won-Won to his girlfriend, Lavender Brown, were all sitting at the Gryffindor table eating lunch. Lavender was seated beside Ron, gossiping with one of her best friends, Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger sister. The Trio plus Lavender were all in their seventh and last year at Hogwarts. Ginny, a year younger, was talking with Lavender about another girl in her grade, Luna Lovegood, when something strange and unusual occurred.

"Oh, my, god. Ginny, look at her butt." Lavender was saying nastily as the Ravenclaw sat down across the aisle from them. "It is so big. scoffs She looks like, one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? scoffs They only talk to her because, she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?" Suddenly, music started to play and Luna ducked her head a little in embarrassment as the two "Gossip Queens" started to talk louder and louder. "I mean, her butt, is just so big. scoffs I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ..." Suddenly, Ron decided that it would be a good idea to jump up on the table, interrupt his girlfriend, and sing.

_I like big butts and I can not lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough  
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed  
Deep in the jeans she's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring_

Luna looked up in awe as the redhead started to dance rather… suggestively in her direction. Everyone was now staring at Ron as he sang his heart out on the table, acting like nothing was wrong and that this was just a normal thing.

_  
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha  
And take your picture  
My homeboys tried to warn me  
But with that butt you got makes- _

Suddenly, Hermione jumped up on the table with him and yelled, "M-ME SO HORNY!" Several of the teachers gasped at the Head Girl's actions as she now stood to the side of Ron and started back-up dancing. Harry decided to join in on the fun and stood on Ron's other side, opposite from Hermione, doing the same moves.

Just when the teachers thought it could get no worse, several other students from different houses leapt onto THEIR tables and danced as well, causing pandemonium at each. The only adult spectator who seemed to be enjoying this was Professor Dumbledore, who was tapping his fingers on his armrest to beat, eyes a twinkle. Ron continued.

_  
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin  
You say you wanna get in my Benz?  
Well, use me, use me  
'Cause you ain't that average groupy  
I've seen them dancin'  
The heck with romancin'  
She's wet, wet,  
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette  
I'm tired of magazines  
Sayin' flat butts are the thing  
Take the average man and ask him that  
She gotta pack much back  
So, fellas! _("Yeah!" All of the male students roared.)

_Fellas! _("Yeah!" They exclaimed again.)_  
Has your girlfriend got the butt? _("Heck yeah!")_  
Tell 'em to shake it! _("Shake it!")

_Shake it! _("Shake it!")_  
Shake that healthy butt!  
Baby got back!_

_Baby got back!_

Here, Ron took a break and several boys, including himself, started break-dancing in the middle of their cleared off tables. After a bit, Ron raised his voice and sang again.

_I'm actin' like an animal  
Now here's my scandal  
I wanna get you home  
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh_

Professor McGonagall exploded from her seat and started to stalk towards Ronald, who had taken no notice of her indignation. He was just concentrating on Luna, who now looked rather happy.

_  
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy  
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys  
I want 'em real thick and juicy  
So find that juicy double  
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble  
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble  
So I'm lookin' at rock videos  
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes  
You can have them bimbos  
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo  
A word to the thick soul sistas, _

_I wanna get with ya  
I won't cuss or hit ya  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna _(Several girls moaned, and McGonagall continued to weave her way through the Hall.)_  
Til the break of dawn  
Baby got it goin' on  
A lot of simps won't like this song  
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it  
And I'd rather stay and play  
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong  
And I'm down to get the friction on  
So, ladies! _"Yeah!" They screamed.

_Ladies! _"Yeah"_  
If you wanna role in my Mercedes _"Yeah!"  
_Then turn around! Stick it out!  
Even white boys got to shout  
Baby got back!_

Several girls started to dance around Ron, who looked rather happy about his predicament. Luna then stepped onto the table and started to dance with the redhead, while the rest of the girls spread out a little and danced around the couple again. Lavender looked as though she were about to have a seizure, and Professor McGonagall was starting to get closer to the part of the table Ron was at, while Ginny was sinking into her seat in an embarrassed manner. Hermione was dancing with Harry in the middle of the Hall, Parvati with Dean beside them, Padma with Seamus as well, and several other pairs were dancing with them.

_  
Baby got back!  
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'  
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".  
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda,_

_Playin' workout tapes by Fonda  
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda  
My anaconda don't want none  
Unless you've got buns, hon _Ron continued.

Now, He turned to Luna and sang especially to her.

_  
You can do side bends or sit-ups,  
But please don't lose that butt  
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role  
And tell you that the butt ain't go  
So they toss it and leave it  
And I pull up quick to retrieve it  
So Cosmo says you're fat  
Well I ain't down with that!  
'Cause your waste is small and your curves are kickin'  
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'_

(He turned back to the whole hall)_  
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:  
You ain't it, Miss Thing!  
Give me a sista, I can't resist her  
Red beans and rice didn't miss her  
Some knucklehead tried to diss  
'Cause his girls are on my list  
He had game but he chose to hit 'em  
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em  
So ladies, if the butt is round,  
And you want a triple X throw down,  
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT  
And kick them nasty thoughts  
Baby got back!_

He ended the song with a rather explosive bang, bowing to the crowd as McGonagall, tight-lipped, grabbed him by the ear and started to drag him towards her office in order to issue some detentions for such vulgarity. Ron waved to Luna, who waved back with a giggle as Professor Dumbledore stood to announce that breakfast was over and for them all to go and have an "interesting" day.

_**DISCLAIMER/HARRY'S MY BOY'S AUTHOR'S NOTE: THE SONG "BABY GOT BACK" IS OWNED BY SIR MIX-A-LOT. Also, we obviously don't own HP or any of its characters, 'cause, well, we'd be RICH if we did! ;) Anyway, the number 1-900-MIXALOT was in the lyrics, so we left it alone, as well as the Mix-A-Lot's in trouble thing. Anyway, PLEASE R&R AND NO FLAMES! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!**_

**A WORD From Danbamina: Hope yall enjoyed this first chapter! We'll update as soon as we can! REVIEW! And once again…NO FLAMES! ;) thank you for reading! Come back soon ya hear:P **


	2. Sunday

_**Author's Note: OMG! I can't believe that we got such a good response for this! I mean, I knew that it was cool, but I wasn't expecting everybody to love it so much! Anyway, we're going to update now, so… BYE!**_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB**_

**A Word from Danbamina: Hey y'all! We liked our reviews so much that we decided to put in a song from Rocky Horror Picture Show and our favorite male stripper is gonna sing it! Enjoy it!**

_Chapter 2:_

Harry and Hermione were walking around on the grounds. They had decided that it would be a good idea for them to go outside whilst Ron was being punished by McGonagall. The Common Room was passé, the Room of Requirement was SO yesterday, and no one ever went to the Astronomy Tower anymore. They were lounging underneath their favorite tree when Ron suddenly ran up to them, mumbling something about McGonagall and the guillotine.

"Ron, what are you mumbling about?" Hermione asked in an exasperated manner when he sat down across from the pair, sat in an ant bed, and jumped up, swearing loud enough to wake the dead.

"I'm mumbling about- OW! Bloody ants…- how McGonagall- BOLLOCKS!- has decided that for my "serious lack of respect for females" I have to do detention every night- MARY, MOTHER OF GOD!- this week polishing different trophies different women won at this school." Ron finally got rid of all of the ants and sat down beside Harry, checking for an ant hill before resting there. Suddenly, a blond, well-built guy in a brilliant pink shirt walked up to them.

"Hey Harry, Ron, Hermione!" He said to the Trio.

"Hey Klaus!" Hermione greeted, while Ron and Harry pretended like they hadn't heard him. Klaus was a bit… strange. He was an exchange student (originally from Transylvania) from Durmstrang who was "secretly" a male stripper. Klaus was a Metamorphmagus, and he was known as Klaus, Claude, or, when he couldn't find work as a male, Claudine. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy walked by, and Klaus got this dreamy look on his face. "Klaus, just ask him! You'll never know till you try!" Hermione said encouragingly. Why she said these types of things to him, Hermione would never know.

"Thanks, Herms, but last I heard Malfoy was straight." Klaus sighed.

"What're you looking at, freak?" Malfoy snarled.

"Your fine arse, actually." Klaus said matter-of-factly back.

"What is with you?" Malfoy said with a weird look on his face as he started to walk away. Suddenly, electric guitar started to play. "WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS IT NOW???" Malfoy shrieked, only to be answered by Klaus's voice singing behind him:

_How do you do _

_I see you've met my _

_Faithful handyman _

_He's just a little brought down_

_Because when you knocked  
He thought you were the candy man_

Klaus paraded towards Malfoy, who now had a mortified look on his face.

_Don't get strung out by the way I look  
Don't judge a book by it's cover  
I'm not much of a man by the light of day  
But by night I'm one heck of a lover_

Suddenly, Klaus whipped off his clothes(exposing his well-muscled torso) and he was standing there in nothing but his crimson boxers with polar bears on them, with his hands on his hips and moving said hips around in a circle and smiling brightly.

_I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From transsexual Transylvania_

Klaus walked up to Malfoy and placed a hand on his shoulder and walking around him in a circle, bringing the hand along as well, he continued on with his song.

_So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound  
You look like you're both pretty groovy  
Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal  
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie._

Now, Klaus walked up to Malfoy and stroked his chin, talking now to him and Goyle, whom he also… there's no adjective or verb for it.

Malfoy found himself singing as well

_I'm glad we caught you at home  
Could we use your phone  
We're both in a bit of a hurry _

"Right!" Goyle put in.

_  
We'll just say where we are _

_Then go back to the car  
We don't want to be any worry_

_  
_Klaus jumped in.

_  
Well you got caught with a flat  
Well _(Klaus raised one eyebrow.)_ how about that  
Well babies don't you panic  
By the light of the night  
It'll all seem alright  
I'll get you a satanic mechanic _

_  
I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From transsexual Transylvania_

_Why don't you stay for the night_

"Night!" Harry whispered from Klaus's left.

_  
Or maybe a bite _

"Bite!" Hermione whispered from his right all of a sudden.

_  
I could show you my favorite obsession  
I've been making a man _

_With blond hair and a tan _

At this, Klaus reached out and took a strand of Malfoy's platinum blonde hair in-between his thumb and index finger and twirled around his finger and raised his eyebrows once and smirked at him-in that suggestive way that only Klaus can do-and then he let go and walked a couple of paces backwards.

_  
And he's good for relieving my tension _

_  
I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From transsexual Transylvania_

_I'm just a sweet transvestite _("SWEET TRANSVESTITE!" Ron, Harry, and Hermione chimed in.)

_From transsexual Transylvania _("TRANSYLVANIA!" The three sang again.)

_  
So come up to the lab _

_And see what's on the slab  
I see you shiver with antici _(Klaus paused for a rather long time, and Malfoy gestured expectantly with his arms) _...pation  
But maybe the rain _

_Isn't really to blame  
So I'll remove the cause _(Klaus started to laugh.)

_But not the symptom_

Klaus finished his song and took a bow to his astounded audience. Nothing happened for a second, two, three. Suddenly, Malfoy took off, sprinting for the Slytherin Common Room, yelling that he was leaving the next day. "UNTZ, UNTZ, DRACO!" Klaus called after him. Goyle stood in stunned silence, while Crabbe just stared at Klaus in wonder. Hermione laughed at their reactions until Ron tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yeah, Ron?" Hermione asked, turning toward her friend.

"Who's Steve Reeves?"

Later, after Hermione had finished drooling over Steve Reeve's, the Trio were sitting in the Common Room. They were just lounging on their respective chairs and couch. While they had been walking through the halls, Romilda Vane, a girl who wanted Harry to ask her to the dance, burst into song singing:

_I did cause a commotion_  
_I can't help but make a scene _(Romilda winked at Harry.)_  
I ain't lookin for somethin'_

_Preeminent to get at me  
Tell you what it's gonna be  
You better step up your game  
Before you can step with me_

_  
Can't you see me walkin through the door _("DOOR!" Some girls sang.)_  
Maybe I should turn it up a little but more _("MORE!")_  
I can't help but feel responsible  
For what the girls hate  
And the boys adore_

_  
Say hey what's it gonna be tonight_

Romilda sang by herself.

_  
Come hit me up  
Come hit me up_

The same girls chimed in.

_  
Say hey party with me tonight  
Come hit me up  
Come hit me up_

All three just ignored this strange turn of events, leaving Romilda to sing to an enraptured Neville.

"OK, Hermione, what the bloody hell is going on?" Ron asked bluntly, sitting up from his lazing position on the plush couch.

"How am I supposed to know?" Hermione asked, giving him an angry glare for his language.

"Well, come on, it's not like you don't know anything! You know absolutely everything that's going on! You're a know-it-all for Christ's sake!"

Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but Harry beat her to it. "Do you actually listen to what comes out of your mouth, or is it just some big roaring sound?" Harry growled. "Hermione isn't all brains, you know! She's beautiful, and funny, and caring, and sweet, and she's more of a woman than you or I could ever deserve!" Harry stopped to take a breath. Ron was staring at him in shock, and Hermione was blushing as red as a beet. Suddenly, Harry realized what he had said. "I didn't mean that. Arrgh… I mean I did, but… bollocks." Harry ran his hands through his hair. "What I mean is… Alright, I'll just shut up now…"

"Harry," he looked up from the "fascinating" carpet. "Do you really think I'm beautiful?" Hermione asked, Ron forgotten. The uncertainty shone in his eyes.

"I…" Conviction suddenly appeared in his gaze. "Absolutely, and without a doubt." Hermione looked down in embarrassment and stood to escape to the Girl's Dormitory. "Hermione, don't go," Harry said in panic, jumping up after her.

"Why?" She asked, rounding on him.

"Because…" He stated to the floor as he turned red in the face.

"Harry, I can't fall in love. I have to study" She said to him.

"You can't fall in love? That's terrible! Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong, All you need is love!" He replied enthusiastically, following her towards the stairs.

"Please don't start that again," Hermione groaned.

(**Hermione**, _Harry_, _**Both**_, Talking)

_All you need is love! _(Harry sang.)

"A girl has got to eat!" Hermione put in.

_All you need is love!_

"She'll end up on the street!" Hermione continued.

_All you need is love!_

**Love is just a game.**

_  
I was made for loving you baby,  
You were made for loving me_

Harry sang deeply, jumping in front of the bottom stair, which she was standing on.

**The only way of loving me baby,  
Is to pay a lovely fee**

_Just one night  
Give me just one night_

**There's no way  
Cause you can't pay**

_In the name of love!  
One night in the name of love!_

_**You crazy fool  
I won't give in to you**_

_Don't, leave me this way.  
I can't survive, without your sweet love,  
Oh baby, don't leave me this way._

**You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs...**

Hermione looked away, towards the window.

_I look around me and I see it isn't so_

**Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs**

_Well what's wrong with that?  
I'd like to know.  
Cause here I go... again..._

Suddenly, Harry jumped up onto a table, spreading his arms like wings.

_  
Love lifts us up where we belong!  
Where eagles fly,  
On a mountain high!_

**Love makes us act like we are fools.  
Throw our lives away,  
For one happy day.**

_We could be heroes...  
Just for one day._

**You, you will be mean.**

_No, I won't. _Harry laughed.

**And I, I'll drink all the time. **Hermione threw up her arms.

_We should be lovers..._

**We can't do that.**

_We should be lovers!  
And that's a fact._

**Though nothing, would keep us together.**

_We could steal time..._

_**Just for one day.  
We could be heroes,  
Forever and ever,  
We could be heroes,  
Forever and ever,  
We can be heroes...**_

_Just because I... will always love you..._

**I...**

_**...Can't help loving...**_

_...You..._

**How wonderful life is,**

_**Now you're in, the world...**_

Harry and Hermione smiled shyly at each other as the music ended. Harry opened his mouth to say something. "Will you go with-"

"WOW! That was sappy!" Ron suddenly said, ruining the moment. Harry glared at Ron, and Hermione turned a brilliant red and ran off to the dormitory. All that Ron saw to show that he did wrong was an extremely large fist that looked suspiciously like Harry's, and then he was examining the ceiling in the Hospital Wing.

_**DISCLAIMER: SWEET TRANSVESTITE IS OWNED BY ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, HIT ME UP IS OWNED BY GIA FARREL, THE ELEPHANT LOVE MEDLEY IS OWNED BY MOULIN ROUGE!, AND HP AND ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS AND PLACES ARE OWNED BY JK ROWLING. OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T BE CONTRIBUTING IT TO A WEBSITE FOR ALL TO SEE!!!**_

_**A/N: Wow, that was fun:D Anyway, hope you guys liked the chappie!!!**_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB**_

**A Word from Danbamina: HEY YALL! Well, y'all are probably wondering WHY Klaus said he was from TRANSYLVAINIA...see he was BORN in Transylvania and then he moved to Bulgaria and from there to Scotland. OH! And Klaus is BI and , how else can he be Claudine and Claude (After all GIRLS come to male strippers!)? So now you know! See y'all in the next chapter! Please review! No flames! **


	3. Monday

**A Word from Danbamina: HEY PEEPS! Well after a long time of idleness I have decided to write one of the chapters myself! Songs and all. So if you happen to not like it, well then we know who the better author is! Hope you enjoy it! And yes for all the Klaus friends out there, he will be in here. And um…there's this one part I should warn you about. In the song it gets kind of…scarring. So um, watch out for that.**

Chapter 3: Monday

Harry woke up and stared at the canopy of his four poster bed.

"God! I am such an idiot!" he thought as he rolled over and put his glasses on, "And to think that I thought and said those things! And what was with that random burst of song? I mean how could I have been so STUPID!? Like she'd ever ask me to the Sadie Hawkins!"

"Morning." Ron said sleepily sitting up from the bed beside Harry's and rubbing his eyes.

"Morning Ron…" Harry replied as he pulled his robes on and headed towards the door.

"HEY EVERYBODY!" Klaus said bursting into the room wearing a bright turquoise shirt and a pair of khaki pants, a giant smile on his face. Harry was knocked on his bum as the door hit him square in the chest.

"Klaus…why aren't you at breakfast?" Ron asked looking at Klaus's neatly made bed as he helped Harry to his feet.

"What? You think that just because I get up earlier than all of you guys that I can't sit around the common room and read a book?" Klaus asked defensively placing his hands on his hips and glaring at Ron.

"No, it's just that when someone wakes up, they usually get dressed and go eat breakfast." Dean put in before a fight could break out between the two, "but we forgot how…" he started fumbling for words and looked at Seamus in desperation.

"Unusually…" Seamus added.

"Cool you are!" Neville finished in a rush.

"REALLY!?" Klaus's eyes got all watery, "You really think I'm cool!?" everyone nodded quickly, "Oh you're all the best friends I've ever had!" He ran forward and hugged everyone fiercely before bouncing out of the room.

"Well, we've gone and done it haven't we?" Neville asked as the door banged shut.

"Done what?" Ron asked in return as he finished fiddling with his tie.

"We've REALLY inflated his ego now…"

"Well, not that much I hope…" just then Klaus's voice proclaimed from the common room,

"I AM UNUSUALLY COOL!"

"Or not…" Ron finished his sentence, "Let's go! I'm starving!"

The Seventh Year Gryffindors all trooped out of the Great Hall to go to their Defense against the Dark Arts class (now held with the Ravenclaws as too many fights were breaking out between Slytherin and Gryffindor). Professor Lupin was missing as the full moon had been the night before and everyone sat talking amongst themselves while waiting for the substitute to come in. After a few minutes Dumbledore walked in, the class fell silent. Dumbledore swept over to Luna Lovegood and whispered in her ear, she nodded, and Dumbledore walked out of the classroom without another word.

"Well it seems that I am to be your teacher for today, as all the other ones are busy." Luna said dreamily as she got up in front of the class and began pacing slowly.

"What're you going to teach us about Luna?" A tall burly Ravenclaw asked from the back with mock interest.

"Well, Princeton, I think I'll teach about the internet!" Luna looked expectantly at the class in front of her as if she was waiting for them all to go OOOOOOH! AAAAAAH! But it didn't come. As Luna continued to pace she started to hum a little tune. IT grew into a slight simple melody.

_**Luna**__  
The internet is really really great  
_

_**Klaus Chimed in**__  
For porn  
_

_**Luna**__  
I've got a fast connection so I don't have to wait  
_

_**Klaus**__   
For porn  
_

_**Luna**__  
Huh? There's always some new site,  
_

_**Klaus**__  
For porn!_

_**Luna**__  
I browse all day and night  
_

_**Klaus**__  
For porn!  
_

_**Luna**__  
It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light  
_

_**Klaus**__  
For porn!  
_

_**Luna**__  
Klaus!_

_**Klaus**__  
The internet is for porn  
_

_**Luna**__  
Klaus!  
_

_**Klaus**__  
The internet is for porn,  
_

_**Luna**__  
What are you doing!?  
_

_**Klaus**__  
Why you think the net was born?  
Porn porn porn_

**Luna**  
Klaaaaa—uus! 

**Klaus**  
Oh hello Luna Lovegood! 

**Luna**  
You are ruining my song 

**Klaus**

Oh me sorry, I no mean to_  
_

_**Luna**__  
_Well if you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish?_  
_

_**Klaus**__  
_Me no talkie_  
_

_**Luna**__  
_Good_  
I'm glad we have this new technology  
_

_**Klaus**__  
For porn  
_

_**Luna**__  
Which gives us untold opportunity  
_

_**Klaus**__  
For por—_oops, sorry_  
_

_**Luna**__  
Right from you own desktop  
_

_**Klaus**__  
For ---  
_

_**Luna**__  
You can research browse and shop  
Until you've had enough and you're ready to stop  
_

_**Klaus**__  
FOR PORN!!  
_

_**Luna**__  
Klaus!  
_

_**Klaus**__  
The internet is for porn!  
_

_**Luna**__  
Noooo  
_

_**Klaus**__  
The internet is for porn!  
_

_**Luna**__  
Klaus  
_

_**Klaus**__  
Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!_

_**Luna**_  
That's gross you're a pervert 

_**Klaus**__  
_Ah sticks and stones Luna Lovegood._  
_

_**Luna**__  
_NO really, you're a pervert  
Normal people don't sit at home and look  
At porn on the internet_  
_

_**Klaus**__  
_Ohhhh?_  
_

_**Luna**__  
_What?!_  
_

_**Klaus**__  
_You have no idea  
Ready normal people?__

NORMAL PEOPLE  
Ready--- ready ----ready__

_**Klaus**__  
_Let me hear it!__

_**Klaus**__ AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!  
_

_PRINCETON  
Sorry Kate  
_

_**Klaus**__ AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!  
_

_PRINCETON  
I masturbate!  
_

_**Klaus**__ AND GUYS  
All these guys unzip their flies  
For porn, porn, porn!_

_**Luna**__  
The internet is not for porn!!_

_**Klaus**__ AND GUYS  
PORN! PORN, P---  
_

**Luna**

HOLD ON A SECOND!  
Now I know for a fact that you, Rob, check your portfolio and trade stocks online

ROB  
That's correct.

**Luna**  
And Brian, you buy things on 

BRIAN  
Sure!

**Luna**  
And Gary, you keep selling your possessions on EBay

GARY  
Yes I do!

**Luna**  
And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card

PRINCETON  
True!

**Klaus**  
Oh, but Kate-  
What you think he do after? hmm?

PRINCETON  
. .yeah

**Luna**  
EEEWWWWW! 

**Klaus** AND GUYS   
The internet is for porn! 

**Luna**  
Gross! 

_**Klaus**__ AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!  
_

_**Luna**__  
_I hate porn_  
_

_**Klaus**__**AND GUYS**__  
Grab your dick and double click (_**sorry bout that! But Well the song is RUINED if you don't have this one in…SORRY!-Danbamina)**_  
_

_**Luna**__  
_I hate you men!_  
_

_**Klaus AND GUYS**__   
For porn, porn, porn!  
(harmonizing) porn, porn, porn, porn  
_

_**Luna**__  
_I'm leaving!_  
_

_**Klaus AND GUYS**__   
Porn, porn, porn, porn  
porn, porn, porn, porn  
_

_**Luna**__  
_I hate the internet! 

_**Klaus**__**AND GUYS**__  
Porn, porn, porn, porn_

_**Klaus**__  
The internet is for_

_**Klaus**__**AND SOME**__   
The internet is for_

_**Klaus AND ALL**__  
The internet is for PORN!  
__**  
Klaus**__  
YEAH!_

The whole class burst out with laughter.

Luna ran from the room in embarrassment, as her attempt to teach them all about the Muggle's fancy computer resource center dive-bombed.

"What's HER problem?" Asked Rob.

"Go figure." Replied Brian.

**A Word from Danbamina: OK! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter…if I scared any of your minds with the whole part where I put in parentheses stuff…um sorry! I warned you before you even read the chapter! Review please! And no flames! Cant wait until next chappie!**

**Danbamina & Klaus**

**Disclaimer: The song in this chapter is called THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN and its owned by the Broadway musical AVENUE Q. Harry potter and all its Characters are owned JK ROWLING…Klaus belongs to me and Harry's My Boy. That's all I think.**


	4. Tuesday

**A Word from Danbamina: HELLO EVERYONE! I am sorry that I removed this chapter to only re-write it and make it better. Purely for selfish reasons and perhaps you will all enjoy this one much better than the last? I've made some adjustments to it! I found that the other chapter simply went too fast for the plot. ENJOY IT!**

**Klaus says: I want a hug, where's Draco? goes in search of Malfoy I'll be back later.**

Chapter 4: Tuesday (version 2.o!)

"God! That Defense lesson yesterday was the most fun I've ever had in that class!" Hermione heard Princeton saying as he walked past her and Lavender on their way to Potions. 

"Say, Hermione?" Lavender asked, stopping in her tracks and twirling her hair around her finger as she leaned against the wall, idly.

"We're going to be late…" Hermione tried to keep walking but Lavender remained rooted to the wall, staring at the ceiling and smacking her gum, "WHAT!?" Hermione snapped hoping to get her friend moving, "5 more minutes and then class begins."

"Do you think that Ron will go with me to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?" Lavender looked at Hermione and blew a pink bubble.

"Yeah, sure…let's get going!" Hermione walked over and pushed on lavender's back impatiently, she still didn't budge.

"Are you sure? I mean, he seems kind of disenchanted with me lately…you know?"

"What? HE doesn't snog you constantly anymore? Or is it only every-other time you two come within a 5 foot radius of one another?" Hermione rammed Lavender and scooted the ditzy girl a foot farther along.

"Actually yes. It's getting to be a real problem. I think he doesn't love me anymore." Lavender continued walking, but now she was walking backwards.

"2 minutes…" Hermione forsook her friend and rushed ahead.

"HERMIONE!" Lavender called chasing after her friend, and pushing the hair out of her eyes.

"HURRY!" Hermione called over her shoulder and she rounded the corner and sat on the banister set into the wall next to the steps leading down into the dungeons. She lifted her feet and flew down the slick marble at an alarming rate. A bend in the railing nearly unseated her, but by some odd trick of Fate Brian knocked her elbow slightly and Hermione stayed on. The end was getting closer, "One minute…" Hermione saw the end of the railing, and Ron and Harry standing close to it, "HARRY MOVE!" Hermione shouted when he moved in front of the banister and leaned casually on it, "Don't hit him…don't hit him…" Hermione thought over and over again as Harry's head whipped around and he spotted Hermione hurtling towards him. His green eyes widen in shock as Hermione sailed into his arms and knocked him to the floor.

"Hey Hermione…" Harry's muffled voice, came from somewhere around the vicinity of the top of Hermione's throat.

"Yeah, Harry?" Hermione asked as she felt her face go hot.

"Can you get off of me? You're kind of crushing my lungs…" Harry rasped.

"Oh! Sorry! I didn't realize…I…I…sorry." Hermione said in a rush, getting up and turning around to face the stairs, so Harry wouldn't see her crimson face.

"HERMIONE!" Lavender shouted as she jumped the last three steps and tripped and landed in Rob's arms (A/N I MEANT TO SAY ROB! You have to have read the INTERNET IS FOR PORN chapter, its THAT Rob) Ron laughed as Lavender was dropped by a disgusted Rob.

"Gross…" Rob, said wiping his hands on his robes.

"Ron?" Lavender looked up at her unsympathetic boyfriend, her hair all in her face.

"Sorry Lavender, but that's hilarious!" Ron pointed at where Lavender had landed; a huge puddle of water was on the floor.

"EWWWW!" Lavender raised her hands and shook them off, spraying everyone with icy water.

Everyone was laughing at Lavender now, and Hermione turned around, seeing her friend's plight she went to help her up.

"Aw, Lavender. Come on, let me help you." Hermione offered Lavender her hand.

"Like I want YOUR help!" Lavender stood up and slipped in the puddle, she fell again and splashed Hermione's feet, "Humph!" Lavender got up and sauntered out of the hallway as Snape came down the stairs.

"What's been going on here?" Snape looked down his hooked nose at the assembly of students before him.

"Just some accidents, professor." Harry said quickly, "But they're OK now."

"I see…well get into the room, all of you…NOW!" he opened the door and counted the students as they went in, "Miss Brown is missing, 10 points from Gryffindor, I saw her leaving, so no arguments or it'll be 20 more." Snape eyed Hermione, Ron, and Harry.

Three and half-hours later…

"That was horrible of Snape! Taking 10 points just because Lavender went to go change and gather some of her dignity!" Hermione fumed as she helped herself to some surf and turf.

"I know right?" Klaus got up from his seat next to Harry and moved over to Hermione's left, he whispered in her ear, "Harry just told me all about your little accident in the dungeons. Said it was wonderful!"

"Really? Wow…" Hermione blushed fiercely as she remembered those glorious few seconds where she was so close to him, if only he would've stayed upright and caught her properly.

"Yeah, up until the part where he couldn't breathe anymore!" Klaus laughed as Hermione ducked her head, slightly abashed, "But for real, he was so totally thinking 'Untz! Untz!' Five sickles says so." Klaus winked and turned to Ron, who was wolfing down his third helping of mashed potatoes and beef tips smothered in gravy, "You know that always makes me think about dog food?" Klaus motioned towards Ron's gravy covered plate.

"Wha?" Ron stared at his plate, his mouth slightly open he set his fork down and swallowed the rest of his mouthful of food and looked at Klaus stupidly.

"Yeah, just think about it."

Ron thought for a second, shrugged and picked up his fork again, and began to eat with renewed gusto.

"Worth a shot." Klaus shrugged and put some salad on his plate, "No one's started singing yet…that's a good sign." He stated conversationally.

"Yeah, but it's gotta be coming soon." Harry commented, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

All of a sudden music started playing again.

"Oh no…" Hermione moaned her head in her hand.

"Frick! I gotta get outta here!" Ron yelled, leaping from his seat and running out of the Great Hall. Everyone was looking around eagerly to see who was going to start dancing and singing. Lavender and Dean were standing stock still, looking at each other. People started to stare. Dean and Lavender were growing paler and paler, the tune to Barbie Girl was starting up.

Note **Bold is Dean**_ Italics is Lavender **and bold italics is Dean singing**_

**Hi Barbie!** Dean suddenly said calling Lavender 'Barbie' for some odd reason he couldn't figure out._- _

_Hi Ken!_ Lavender found herself suddenly calling Dean 'Ken'

**You wanna go for a ride?**

_Sure, Ken!_

**Jump in!**

_Ha hahaha_

Lavender sang in an annoyingly high-pitched voice.

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world _

_Life in plastic, it's fantastic _

_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere _

_Imagination, life is your creation _

Dean came in with a very deep voice.

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party**_

All the girls and boys got on the tables and started to do a highly choreographed dance. _I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world _

_Life in plastic, it's fantastic _

_ You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere _

_Imagination, life is your creation _

Lavender and Dean stood on the staff table and headed the whole thing off, everyone, even teachers, was dancing.

_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world _

_Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie_

_**You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain **_

_** Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky**_

_You can touch, you can play _

_If you say I'm always yours, ooowhoo _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic _

_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere _

_Imagination, life is your creation_

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party**, ha h aha, yeah _

_ **Come on, Barbie, let's go party **oooh oooh _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party**, ha haha, yeah _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go par y **oooh oooh_

_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please _

_ I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees _

_**Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again **_

_**Hit the town, fool around, let's go party **_

_You can touch, you can play _

_If you say I'm always yours _

_You can touch, you can play _

_ If you say I'm always yours _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **ha haha, yeah _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **oooh oooh _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party, **ha haha, yeah _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party **ooohoooh _

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world _

_Life in plastic, it's fantastic _

_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere _

_Imagination, life is your creation _

_ I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world _

_ Life in plastic, it's fantastic _

_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere _

_Imagination, life is your creation _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party,** ha haha, yeah _

_ **Come on, Barbie, let's go party,**ooohoooh _

_**Come on, Barbie, let's go party,** ha haha, yeah _

_ **Come on, Barbie, let's go party,**ooohoooh- _

_ Oh, I'm having so much fun! **– **_

**Well, Barbie, we're just getting started!**_ – _

_Oh, I love you Ken! _

Lavender and Dean finished singing. Lavender blushed so badly she looked like she had a radish on top of her head and Dean simply stared at her, mouth open in awe.

"That never happened." Lavender informed Dean. Dean nodded and closed his mouth.

"Right." He said, then stalked out of the Great Hall. Lavender looked around at the staring students and staff.

"What're you all looking at! It's not like this is the first time this has happened!" Lavender shouted and stormed from the room in an angry huff.

"Awwwwwwkwaaard…" someone said from somewhere near the Hufflepuffs.

**A Word from Danbamina: Well, it seems that this one was much better than the last. I seem to have hit upon all the old songs, I think next chapter someone's gonna sing Spice Girls! Just imagine Hermione singing that to Harry! OH! BRAIN WAVE! Must talk to HMB! See you all next update! PLEASE REVIEW! And as always NO FLAMES! **

**Klaus says: I need a hug…Malfoy walks by, Klaus spots him. OH! DRACO! COME GIVE ME A BIG HUG! Malfoy, looks around, spots Klaus, bolts out of open door. NO! COME BACK! DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE!? runs after Malfoy's retreating back **

**Danbamina: Klaus, you are such a freak. massages forehead **

**Klaus:from in the distance UNTZ! UNTZ! DRACO! UNTZ! UNTZ! **


End file.
